TED #03# 10 ways to have a better conversation

Teach you how to talk and how to listen

Many of you have already heard a lot of advice on this, things like look the person in the eye, think of interesting topics to discuss in advance, look, nod and smile to show that you're paying attention, repeat back what you just heard or summarize it. So I want you to forget all of that. It is crap.

There is no reason to learn how to show you're paying attention if you are in fact paying attention.

Celeste Headlee: 10 ways to have a better conversation if you just choose one of them and master it, you'll already enjoy better conversations:

Number one: Don't multitask. 不要三心二意

Number two: Don't pontificate. 不要好为人师（-- 别成为教皇？） 如果你想，请写一篇博客 : p

Number three: Use open-ended questions.  使用开放式的问题

Number four: Go with the flow. 顺其自然

Number five: If you don't know, say that you don't know.  如果你不知道，就说不知道

Number six: Don't equate your experience with theirs. 不要把自己的经历和别人的等同  -- All experiences are individual.

Number seven: Try not to repeat yourself. 尽量不要重复表达自己。   It's condescending, and it's really boring, 这是居高临下的，并且很无聊

Number eight: Stay out of the weeds.  远离废话

Number nine: This is not the last one, but it is the most important one. Listen. I cannot tell you how many really important people have said that listening is perhaps the most, the number one most important skill that you could develop. Buddha said, and I'm paraphrasing, "If your mouth is open, you're not learning." And Calvin Coolidge said, "No man ever listened his way out of a job." 倾听；释义

Why do we not listen to each other? Number one, we'd rather talk. When I'm talking, I'm in control. I don't have to hear anything I'm not interested in. I'm the center of attention. I can bolster my own identity. But there's another reason: We get distracted. The average person talks at about 225 word per minute, but we can listen at up to 500 words per minute. So our minds are filling in those other 275 words. And look, I know, it takes effort and energy to actually pay attention to someone, but if you can't do that, you're not in a conversation. You're just two people shouting out barely related sentences in the same place. 我可以加强我自己的身份。

You have to listen to one another. Stephen Covey said it very beautifully. He said, "Most of us don't listen with the intent to understand. We listen with the intent to reply."

Number 10, and it's this one: Be brief. 简短

-- - I have heard similar things many times, but there are not many lectures that can clearly explain why you should do this.