it's hard to say

Ew,it's hard to begin.In fact I don't know what to say either.So here is a sad story.First of all ,my status is a college student with now a ice-cold hand typing my keyboard.In my opinion there is a kind of the disaster of life is from the unit you are in.The unit that I'm in is my school.So you can easily get what I want to say.To avoid the flood of tear,I don't want to say anything about.As usual,the ruin of score won't let me feel anything wrong.But now it is the fulture that confused most.I have no interest in what I'm forced to learning,and I don't know what I want in the fulture either.The demand I set for myself is just pass the exam,and now only this seems no hardness for me.But this is not enough for being recommanded to the admission of postgraduate.Because the average of the goal they want is at least eighty,and now it's kind of dengerous for me.So everyday,I pace up and down between reviewing lessons and doing what I want.
  The worse thing is,if there were something that I really want,I won't be such pain. Once I loved programming.I put all my heart and time into it and nearly nothing feed me back.The only thing I got was three useless second prize and a terrible academic.Once I loved writing,and I tried to write a short novel.But I can't write even one more letter after twenty thousand words.Once I loved drawing,but...